I consider it a blessing that beyond a mother, I had the ultimate role model growing up. She seemed to always have her act together, juggling a high-stakes career with family in flawless fashion. My mom’s passion, drive, and zest for life are everything I aspire to one day. Before setting me free in the real world, she taught me essential lessons I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
1. Independence is sexy
We should never rely on another for our happiness and sense of self-worth. Society has led us to believe that we need a man to support us in life. Not true! Financially, socially, emotionally and otherwise; we don’t need someone by our side to make us feel whole (so physically is up for debate 😉 )“The good thing about us is we can buy ourselves our own damn flowers” – Mom’s words of comfort after my disappointment not receiving birthday blooms from a long distance boyfriend.
Men should find this independence attractive; the fact that you want them, but don’t necessarily need them to complete you. Of course it is human nature to crave affection and the feeling that you are pursued and desired. But we as women, all too often base our value and own emotions on those of a significant other. We mistake loneliness for love. And that is downright unhealthy.
Realize, lonely is a state of mind, not a relationship status. If you are looking for a relationship to “fix” your happiness, you will never be satisfied. So please, do yourself a favor and stop looking for the perfect person, for prince charming to sweep you off your feet. He will find you when you least expect it, when you are in the midst of doing those things you love most.
Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman, too smart, too beautiful, too strong, two much of something. That makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown, to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, you do not need a smaller crown- you need a man with bigger hands.
2. Don’t take it personally
Nothing others say or do is because of you. Each person’s opinion is simply a product of their own reality. It is because of their own insecurities and shortcomings, a reflection of an unhappiness within their own life. When we take unkind words from others to heart, we assume that they know the inner workings of our world.
Respect opinions that differ from your own but don’t give your power away by letting others dictate how you feel. It is easy to get offended and internalize what people say as truth, but you should never have to justify to others (or yourself) what you eat, how you spend your time, or who you love. Just let it go and if someone doesn’t appreciate what you bring to the table, walk away and let them eat alone.
3. Learn to see the good in every situation
We can’t control the world around us, but we can control how we react in any given situation and decide to carry ourselves with poise and grace. There will be high and lows, ebbs and flows, but that’s just the nature of this crazy little thing called life. No need to stress about things that don’t work out as planned, because eventually things will look up, they always do.
One day you will wake up and realize you are better off without that boy you fell so hard for, as hard as it is to see in the present. I need someone man enough to handle me, that can join in my crazy lifestyle, my knack for travel and adventure, my frequent social nights out, and that just wasn’t you. Embrace every tough time, broken relationship and failure as a lesson learned to better your future self, an opportunity with the potential to come back stronger then ever and bring even more joy to your life.
4. Hustle and heart will set you apart
My mama is a passionate woman with a whole lot of love to give. On top of being a #girlboss CEO and master party hostess, she’s sacrificed a lot for my brother and I over the years. I ask how she managed to do it all, and chuckle when she confesses working up until the day she went into labor with me. Now that’s dedication.
Ever since I was a little girl and afraid to pursue new opportunities, my mom preached: You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. What’s the worst that could happen, would you be any worse off with a no? Discomfort is a sign you are pushing yourself towards growth and will come out a stronger person in the end. So stop waiting to be ready to take that next leap, for a day that will never come.
This brought me out of my perfectionistic, irrational fears of failure, the reason I am living out my dreams across the world in Australia! I didn’t want to reach the end of my life and regret all the chances I didn’t take, all the things I had failed to experience. So thank you mom, for teaching me to always reach for the stars.
Above all else, believe in yourself and your value. Speak up for what you want and don’t be afraid to flaunt your achievements. Live your life on your own terms, without anyone else’s approval. Stop living in fear. Love yourself, unapologetically.
And always remember to call your mom. She knows best.