Last week, I received a devastating call from home that my stepbrother was found in his car with a gunshot wound. Adrien completed two tours in Afghanistan and had just returned to his marine base In North Carolina after a long holiday at home with family and friends. After further investigation, his sudden death was deemed a suicide.
In my mind, suicide is not a selfish act. Depression is not a choice, it is an illness. Yes, my brother left behind a family that cared for him deeply, and yes we are now left to grieve on our own. But we can never truly know the extent of his pain and inner turmoil.
Adrien was one of the most kindhearted, selfless, and generous human beings I have ever known. He was always cracking jokes and had a smile glued to his face. Adrien was far from selfish.
Suicide may be thought of as taking the easy way out. No, suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped.
So many questions will forever remain unanswered. Was there something more we could have done to prevent this?How long was he suffering? How did we miss the warning signs? It is hard to make peace with this loss.
It’s times like these that make the 15,000 mile from home extremely difficult. I am blessed to have an amazing support system in Australia and family comforting me from across the globe. And I am sincerely grateful for the outpouring of condolences from the blogging community. Thank you for keeping my family and I in your thoughts and prayers.
Goodbye, beautiful boy. I can’t wait to see you again.