My own mother has fallen victim to many of these products, easily swayed by anything marketed by Oprah, claiming to contain healthy antioxidants, or labeled with the words ‘anti-aging.’ Since the launch of the infamous Snuggie, there have been several other laughable products that just get you wondering, who the hell buys this stuff?
Bump-Its: My sister and I recieved these in our stockings from Santa 2 years ago (thanks mom). Even Snooki hates the Bump-It trend. I mean come on, who wants a little plastic arch peaking out from underneath their hair? And when you’re in the moment with that special someone, it may come as a shocker when they tousle your hair and find this creature.
Gyro Bowl: The point of this being? I’ve got an idea, lets pay $14.99 plus $9.99 shipping for a piece of plastic so our children will be entertained as they eat! And who thinks it’s a good idea to put pudding in this 360 contraption to turn upside down over your head?
Turbie Twist: Okay so I admit, I do own 3 of these, in a variety of colors (thanks mom). They are quite handy, especially for dorm life. Instead of wrapping a huge towel around your head that will ineveitably fall off, this invention makes that walk down the hallway simpler, scratching maybe a few seconds off your daily routine. A towel in the shape of a turban? They could have thought of a more politically correct name for the product, I must say.
Cami-Secret: The before and after appear to be switched. “Gives the layered look of a camisole, without the hassle or bulk of an entirely separate garment” I’ve got a fab idea, lets sell a tiny piece of fabric to cover you up! I mean, have you ever thought about how tough life must be for your neighborhood hoochie? She loves to flash her cleavage at bars and clubs, but must keep it business professional around the office. She could bring a change of clothes, but that gets cumbersome to lug around everyday. This boob apron works wonders, I’m sure.
Easy Feet: A shower for your feet! Could mankind get any lazier if we tried?
Pajama jeans: Not gonna lie, these would be a good investment for college kids ready to pass out when they stumble in at 3am and opt not to change into pj’s, take off makeup, or brush their teeth. Yet as a Miami University student, it’s not socially acceptable to wear jeans out on the town. Even if it’s 32 below in the dead of winter, skimpy dresses are a must. So we run into a problemo. And at $30 a pop, that’s as much as I’d pay for real un-hideous jeans. Forget it!
Booty Pop: Woah, a push-up bra for you butt?! I, myself could benefit from these (thanks for the advice mom). I’ve heard horror stories about women dancing up on men and the pads scootching to the front. Can you say creepy? They’re a no go.
Shake Weight: If you use one of these and you’re a man, I’m shaling my head. Why waste the money when you’ve got your own? And if you’re a woman shaker, men will ineveitably raise eyebrows… and assess your skill level. Come on women, let’s keep things PG in the exercise arena. And honestly, how big are your muscles truly gonna get with this mechanism? If anyone’s tested, I’m dying to know.
Tiddy Bear: The ad features 2 chicks obviously frustrated with the lack of furry stimulation to their upper torso who claim “seatbelts make it hard for them to breathe” Instead of investing in a ribcage implant to provide the protection their internal organs so desperately need, she opted for the Tiddy Bear. The reality: Who the hell would find an irregularly shaped bear comfortable? And what kind of person would wear that monstrosity proudly on their chest, except maybe your 3 year old? I really hoped they were kidding about this one…