Day 3: My First Love
Drivers Ed Class.
We linked eyes from across the room.
He was perfect.
In my mind, anyways.
Doodling his name in notebooks.
Lighting up at each mention of his name.
The constant butterflies.
This continued on until a year and a half later, when Matt and I slowly grew apart. A few days after Red White and Boom, we ended things. I was devastated, for a good 3 months at least. He was my first “real love,” after all. When Mr. Perfect turned out to be Mr. Not So Perfect, I had to take a step back and realize, he wasn’t the “man of my dreams” I had made him out to be.
Perhaps it was youthful optimism. All teens seem to have that Superhero Syndrome (Nothing can hurt me, I know what’s best for me, and I can do what I want because I know exactly what I’m doing, and the person I love is exactly like me and likes the same things) yeah, yeah, yeah.
With hormones running wild in the volatile teen mind, infatuation is nearly inevitable in these years. You love your animals, you love your parent’s, and you love your t-shirt. Love is like a hat, you feel warm in it, and you like how it looks, but when it gets old, you throw it out, or when a new hat comes out, you want it.
Fast forward to freshman year of college, and who am I shacked up with? None other than Matt’s wild, self-proclaimed “little ball of fun” cousin Arianne. There are those awkward moments when she makes me skype with him and she even brought me back a christmas present from him… this porcelain picture of us at Junior prom that I paid 20 bucks to get made, which he had shockingly kept, and not burned 🙂 (See below)
Don’t get me wrong, it was great while it lasted. I learned so much about myself, who not to chase after, and what not to do in relationships in that year and a half. Was it a year and a half of my life wasted? Not in the least. Moral of this story: I do not believe as a 16 year old what I had was true love because I hardly knew myself at that point, let alone even fully understand the way of the world yet. To be honest, you can’t love another human being until you have learned to love yourself. At this point in my life, I almost feel ready.